Identity

In the months leading up to the birth of my first granddaughter, Taylor, I agonized over finding the right Grandmother Name.  I always knew that I didn't want to be "Grandma"  or "Grandma Ogata" (a name that belonged solely to my mother-in-law), but didn't have a clue to what name I wanted to be known by my grandchildren.  

All of the other future grandparents in our family seemed to have their choices all sewn up.  Taylor's other grandparents would be "Oma" and "Opa", one of my daughter's in-laws would be "Nana" and "Bobba" and my other daughter's in-laws had chosen "Nannie" and "Pappy" long before either of the girls were pregnant.  I didn't really have grandparent models in my own life - both my maternal grandparents and paternal grandmother had died before I was born and my paternal grandfather died when I was about four, so my memories of him were hazy at best.

It became a bit of a consuming mission of mine, to find that perfect name.  At first I thought Mike and I would go with the Japanese Baachan and Giisan, but my son didn't like that at all and thought it was too much of a mouthful for little ones.  I poured over websites and message boards dedicated to grandparent monikers and polled my friends and eventually landed on "Mimi" which sounded both cute and hip to me.  But wait.... not so fast, Linda!  My daughter-in-law, Melissa, informed me that her entire family called her "MeMe" and it would be incredibly confusing down the road if we shared the same name.  Plus, she had already decided to be "Auntie MeMe" to Taylor.  Back to the drawing boards!

My son chided me for over thinking the whole thing.  "Just be Grandma, there's nothing wrong with that name," he admonished me.  There was an element of truth to what he was saying, but I didn't feel like Grandma.  I knew the upcoming role I was about to take on would add a new dimension to my identity and I desperately wanted it to jibe with how I saw myself.  I suppose there was a little bit of that Baby Boomer I'm-Never-Getting-Old mentality in the mix too, if I'm honest with myself.

At any rate, one day, out of the blue, I decided on "Gigi."  It was easy to say, it was easy to spell, and most importantly, it seemed to fit my perception of the kind of grandmother I wanted to be.  I was going to be hands-on, approachable (not stern), wise, playful, and infinitely loving.  

Now I have four grandchildren.  So far, two of them can say "Gigi" and to me, it is the sweetest word in the English language.  I've been happy with this name and never looked for or expected to find any kind of affirmation of my choice.  But find it, I did.

Those of you who have followed this blog know that my 85 year old mom moved down here from Illinois last month.  To say she brought a lot of "stuff" with her is a huge understatement, and unpacking all of it (without pitching a lot of it when her back was turned) has been a challenge.  About 3 weeks ago in the bottom of one box I found a baggie with six tarnished silver spoons in it.  "Mom, what is this?  Is it something you really need?" I asked, hoping she would let me redirect it to the garbage pile.  "Oh, that's for you," she answered.  "These were from your Dad's family from way back and I thought you might want them."

Yes, I wanted them!  I loved having something that belonged to the grandmother or great grandmother that I never knew.  It was a gift - a connection - and really, aside from my maiden name and DNA, one of the only things I had from that side of the family.  I put the baggie in my purse to look at when I got home.

When I took the first spoon out of the baggie I noticed the initials MDC engraved on the back.  Martha Dennis Cushman, my great grandmother.  That alone put a smile on my face.  It was almost like she was reaching across the years to hand this to me.  "We didn't know each other", she'd say, "but you're my great granddaughter and a part of me and I love you."  It may sound silly, but having something tangible to connect with her meant so much.  And then, turning the spoon over to inspect the other side, I found the best thing of all.  Engraved on the front of the spoon that single sweet word, "Gigi."