Why is it, I wonder, that we are often afraid to tell people how we really feel?
From my own perspective, if I'm totally honest with myself, it's because of my own insecurities. I've found myself cringing at offensive comments or jokes that others make, but I rarely have the chutzpah to say anything. Instead, I'll excuse myself and leave or change the subject rather than have any kind of confrontation. This, I believe, is one of my worst shortcomings.
Cold comfort that it may be, I know that this lack of response is not mine alone and is also part of a greater problem. Haven't we all found ourselves, from time to time, biting our tongues and not saying what we really feel? Not only to friends and acquaintances, but to our own families as well?
There is an elaborate dance that we sometimes go through to make our feelings known in a passive aggressive way. I know that I have favored that approach in lieu of any really meaningful dialog sometimes because of the lack of confidence that I seem to have in verbalizing my feelings and convictions.
A perfect example is the relationship I have with my daughter-in-law. One of the things I really love about her is that she has always had the confidence in herself to say what she's thinking. I admire that so much and wish I was hard wired to do the same. Instead, I find myself passing things along to my son knowing that my message will eventually make it's way to her. At the time, it seems like the path of least resistance, but after some real soul searching and analysis I see that I am doing all of us a disservice.
I will tell anyone who asks that I love my two daughters-in-law and my two sons-in-law as if they were my own children. And I mean it completely. Each of us has gifts that we bring to the family table and those gifts of individuality make us all richer and more interesting people. We learn to accept and even embrace our subtle differences, knowing that by doing so we are weaving the fabric of our family quilt - one that will be a part of us for generations to come.
And part of that love - the part that means you belong to each other, come hell or high water, can only truly be honored by being able to tell each other how we feel. And knowing that the other person won't love you less or look at you with diminished eyes because there is full acceptance. To achieve that, my friends, is something that I plan to channel my efforts into full throttle. Life is too short for wasting one moment with hurt feelings or misunderstandings, especially with people I love.
To truly "walk the walk" I must be willing to understand that what I feel and what I have to say is not about confrontation, but about being true to myself. And that is a gift not only to my own heart, but to those around me. Linda 4.0 will have meaningful, loving and confident dialog from this day forward. Watch out world.... I may just have a lot to say!
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