Tomorrow is New Years Eve, which for me has rarely meant dressing up and partying. I have pretty much always been a homebody and this year will be no different. Like millions of other people - especially those of us of a certain age, this is an occasion for taking stock of the past years accomplishments and shortfalls and coming up with a loose set of goals for the new year.
I say loose goals, because, of course, they need to be realistic and attainable. And, more importantly, I need to be able to move the line into the following year if I don't quite get everything on my list done by next New Years Eve. Last year, for example, I had three clear cut goals: lose weight (original, huh?), learn to make spicy pickles and bake bread from scratch. I ditched the whole breadmaking idea early on. Way too much work for me. Even if I did manage to make a decent loaf of bread, I would probably eat it right out of the oven which would make the whole losing weight goal even harder to attain. Easier to just scratch that one. I'm actually pretty disappointed in myself for not following through with the pickles, though. The recipes I found online don't look very difficult, but I had lingering fears about canning that I would poison both Mike and I with botulism. Okay, that's a bit of a cop out. I believe I'll be putting it back on my list for 2013.
I did lose about 25 pounds, which was a good thing. My official reason for doing this was that it was better for my health and that I would feel better, blah blah blah. My unofficial reason was that I was meeting nine of my high school girlfriends for a reunion to celebrate turning 60 this year. There is no incentive in the world quite like the prospect of being reunited with high school girlfriends to get yourself motivated. And, honestly, there shouldn't have been any pressure or angst on my part - these are close, dear friends who wouldn't judge me or make snide remarks about my weight. I've just come to realize that those teenage anxieties don't all ever really go completely away - they just lie dormant and blindside you when you don't expect it. Happily, I was able to channel those feelings along with my desire for better health and drop the unwanted pounds. One thing I know to be true (as Oprah would say) is that I am a stress eater, so if 2013 is a tough year, I may have to add this one right back on to my list.
So far, I only have a few goals on my list for next year, though the list is fluid and subject to my arbitrary whims. I'm almost reluctant to write the first one down here as you'll probably look at it and say, "Well, that's weird! I always knew she was odd!" The other night, Mike and I were on our evening walk. The sky was clear and cold and the constellations were breathtaking. Suddenly, out of the far recesses of my brain, this old, half forgotten poem by John Masefield called Sea Fever pops out.
I must go down to the sea again,
to the lonely sea and the sky.
And all I ask is a tall ship,
and a star to steer her by....
Then, willy nilly, a few lines from Coleridge's Kubla Khan comes to mind and T.S. Eliot's The Waste Land (April is the cruelest month...) and more. Crazy, huh? I figure the message I can take from this is that I should make a point to re-read a lot of those beautiful poems that I haven't looked at since I left college, or that I've completely lost my mind. I choose the former.
I have also started on my 26 Acts of Random Kindness to honor the 26 who lost their lives in Newtown. This was Ann Curry's idea and I loved it right away. I've only done one real one so far (being courteous in traffic doesn't qualify), so it might take awhile. I want these acts to be spontaneous and not forced, so I may end up being just as surprised as the recipient(s) when they occur. The whole pay it forward concept is quite appealing to me. Hey, you could do it too! Go ahead, put it on your own list!
There are a lot of little things that aren't exactly goals, just small accomplishments, that I want to tackle. Stop worrying about money so much. Look at the stars through a telescope. Don't wait so long to get the dog groomed. Stop eating so much candy and drinking so much Diet Coke. Learn to say one full sentence in Italian. Find some joy in each and every day. Make peace with the fact that I now have a turkey neck. Figure out Windows 8 (seriously?? No list of All Programs??). Re-do one of the guest bedrooms. Stuff like that.
2012 was a pretty darn good year. Lots of good things happened, though I realize, in retrospect, that many of these things happened to me, not because of me or anything I'd done to make them happen. I want to go roaring into 2013, full tilt, savoring every thing that comes my way, both good and bad. I will try not to lose sight of the preciousness of each day's possibilities as I babysit and grocery shop and fold laundry. As imperfect as I am, regardless of the person I'd like to morph into in the coming year, I will try to love the woman I am and hope that lovely memories are spun daily, trailing behind me like the wake of a boat on a summer lake.
